Monday, January 25, 2021

One Year Ago, The Dark Night Of My Soul

Alternative title: Takers Take What They Want And You Don't Get To Fight It -- Sit Down And Shut Up Johnny. 
I went to a funeral, to my cousin's husband's funeral. I had to miss my daughter's 14th sleepover birthday party but I was mostly OK with it because I celebrated with her on her actual birthday -- dinner, presents, and cake -- and -- being there at the beginning of life and at the end of life superficially seems to have significance. I took two books with me on my trip: Hesse's The Journey to the East and Thích Nhất Hạnh's Our Appointment with Life: Discourse on Living Happily in the Present Moment. Although I flew first class, the rest of my trip was centered around walking and public transport and being in the moment as much as possible. I was seeking something different, a new awakening, a greater spirituality. But, as flying first class might allude to, I only wanted spirituality in a rock star, look at me I'm holy and great arrogant manner. To the north, about 853 miles to the north of Cupertino, god planted a nefarious force in my life. A taker! Someone who most definitely did not have my girls' best interest in mind and although I'm no stranger to nefarious forces, this one is strong. I may not win. Now, there aren't winners in this sort of spiritual struggle, but I am patient. And, perhaps the forevermore duality of good versus evil, light versus dark doesn't end in the way George Lucas would like us all to believe, but takers aren't patient, they can't see context, and they most certainly don't understand the Pale Blue Dot. They get to the end of their selfish orgasm and toss the collateral detritus away, like a crumpled Doritos bag tumbleweeding down Interstate 5. The only game of the taker is to take and they are generally just nuisances -- until they infiltrate and impact your tribe. Fortunately, patience has never lost against a Doritos bag, so there's much more than hope. There are new avenues, more so, a new river to navigate, one that's always been there and yet never too far away (maybe the steelhead are biting too?). And the arrogance of my journey morphed into a a new book via my BFF! and when you lose everything you suffer humility and humility is the true hammer of the gods, the ambrosia for the Midwestern dolts like me. Rock on for now and evermore, here comes a hurricane! Don't believe me? Just rewind six months to the day folks, I had nothing on that day, just two dollars and a Tom Petty song -- motherfuck that slipper's gonna fit!

hot towel and Zen 🤦‍♂️

Saturday, January 16, 2021

The Only Thing I Want Is To Be Warm

Well, safe and warm, but if you are from Wisconsin, you take what you can get. Meat Loaf was satisfied with 2 out of 3, but that's a pretty fucking high bar. I really only want warm but it's been elusive my whole life. God found it funny to drop me in Sheboygan and I made the most of it by starting a Johnsonville habit. I make the most of everything, you can think your way out of anything with a pedestrian pair of headphones and some old 70s rock tapes -- doesn't matter the situation. I put everything I have on the line and someday I will be warm, probably just not today.