The Laughable Unachievability Of Spirituality

As soon as spirituality is the goal, it's all over. No one escapes it. I think it's why I prefer sunsets to sunrises. The sun rises, alarms clocks go off, I'm checking the market, I'm dodging cruel emails, I've got goals because if I don't, someone else's goals will push me into working for his/her/their goals and you quickly learn that that's not a lot of fun. Being a lanky, undernourished, and nerdy kid, I remember this 5th grade bully shoving my 3rd-grade face into the ground and his desperate desire to want me to kiss it. Man, at some point, you just do it. It ain't your goal but life seems to work better when you align yourself with all the forces (including ground kissing) — what do they call that? Go with the flow 😆? Spirituality seeking will automatically ironically saddle you with a ton of forces that run counter to spirituality. I just don't understand it. And, the flip side, the assured path to spirituality, that is, to let it all go — give it all away, how does that not jam you under the metaphorical bully and completely diminish your emotional, spiritual, physical value to the rest of society? Man, what are we doing to ourselves? I don't have the courage to give it all away and I don't have the courage to not seek spirituality. Where do I go from here? Oh yeah, sunsets. At least with them you have hope, the brutality that is consciousness is forced to surrender to brilliant colors and the much more peaceful and manageable abstract. And night, yeah, well fuck it's distant, but at least you can close your eyes and dream. Sunsets — you get hours until "reality" hits; sunrises — you get minutes and I'll take hours over minutes any day.
"You got time to lean, you got time to clean," it's funny until it becomes not funny.